Musings

On a whim, I’ve been reading through my old blog posts, beginning with the first and ploughing straight on through. Admittedly, this little trip down Memory Lane, Blogging Edition, was inspired by the idea of a new reader stumbling onto my humble piece of the Bloggosphere and doing the same as I’ve been doing.

I’m not sure what sort of impression this hypothetical new reader would form of yours truly, but hopefully a positive one, in spite of my sporadic posts and somewhat vague descriptions of my everyday life (it dawned on me that it was two years before I even mentioned that I lived in Northern Idaho at the time, for example).

I’ve noticed several things, myself, during my little journey through the pages:

• So. Many. TAGS!!! OK, I love a good tag (or “quiz,” as we called them in the early days of blogging), but GOOD NIGHT! Seems like every other post on the Rambling Rose is a questionnaire. >.<
• “Sew” much regret. I think of all the clothes I’ve shared on this blog, the only ones I still have are my “Eglantine” undergown/Empire dress mock-up (featured in my “Briar Rose” post recently), the skirt portion of my Bodiced Petticoat, and the “Scottish Seafoam” tartan skirt. Mind you, I don’t want to be a clothes-horse, but when I think of the pretty frocks I made, altered, or had plans for (including several I never got pix of), and now no longer have...it makes me rather sad. Makes me wish I’d tried harder to make them work, rather than just weeding them out of my wardrobe. ☹
• Hair Envy. While my short hair is worlds easier to care for on a day-to-day basis than waist-length locks, I do miss being able to do the elegant styles featured on this blog in years past, and others that, once again, I never got pix of. And while I could theoretically grow my hair long again...I’m not sure it would look as good as it did back then. Shortly after making “the chop” three years ago, I began losing a lot of hair (my hairbrush would go from empty to stuffed after every shower), until my scalp was visible in places, and Mom could see my shirt-collars through it in the back. Thankfully, it seems to have grown back in the past few months, but what hair I have now is baby-fine (finer even than it’s always been), and I’m convinced there’s considerably less in front of my ears now. As a result, my one braid is the size of the two I used to pin up and over my head, and it no longer holds any kind of French/Dutch/lace-braiding worth beans. I’m afraid if I grew it out to waist- or tailbone-length again, the ends would be so whispy and thin that it’d just look pathetic. So I’ll just have to stick with its current length and hope it will eventually get healthy again. *Sigh* I miss my “one beauty”....
• Broken Promises. I’ve noticed several times where I said I’d post pictures of something or other, or share a story or special post I had in the works...and then not follow through. A thousand apologies, Gentle Readers; I never meant to break my word...blogging is just one of those things that doesn’t come easily for me, and getting pictures was a bit more hassle back then. God helping me, I intend to do better in that area, when I have time for blogging.
• Abandoned Activities. Why did we stop doing the Literary Heroine Blog Parties each February? Or Ashley’s I ♥ Thursdays? Or Kendra’s delightful Character Encounters? Or Arielle/Melody’s creative Quote Questes? I always enjoyed the activities they instigated, and miss participating therein, as they made blogging fun and interesting. It was the CEs that got me back into writing, and the QQs that made me exercise my brain to cook up a story to match the Quote of the Month—both very good tools for an author. I’ve sometimes toyed with resurrecting these things and hosting them on my blog....

And now that I have more free time (or rather, feel more at liberty to use the time I have) for creative what-nots, I’m thinking blogging might be one of them. Probably nothing regular by any means...but I do intend to document the making of “Briar Rose” to the end, in the very least. After so many false starts and loose ends on that head, I feel I owe it you you, Gentle Readers...and to myself. If I can just push through and actually accomplish something—see it through to the end in Real Life and on the Rambling Rose—then perhaps, please God, I can establish some good habits (which, admittedly, should have been in place twenty years ago *snort*).

One thing I’d love to do in the near future is host a Blog Party (or even a full-blown Blog Tour) to celebrate finishing my latest masterpiece, Prince Nácil...and the fact that I’ve already sold no less than five hard-copies! Sole Deo Gloria!

The Pixie:

Oooh! Did you say PARTY?

Yes, I did. But don’t get out the glitter-bombs just yet; Parties need Participants, and—

Anton Argentos:

Shall I recruit some for you, Anka*? I’m sure with my good looks and persuasive charm, I’ll have them flocking to help you throw your Party!

<_< Your modesty is astounding, Silver One.

(Uh-oh; I must be in trouble; she only calls me Silver One when she’s vexed with me.)

So...was that a No, then?

How about you let me make a few discreet inquiries. After all, it’s high time I learned to speak for myself. That’s part of being grown-up...right...?
(Besides, no one can see your "good looks" but me, since you live in my head, boy-o.)

In the meantime, I have a couple fun posts in the works (which I am determined to follow through on this time!), so stay tuned!

Until next time, Gentle Readers,

God bless,

~ℛ~

* Anka = Originally referring to the (female) keeper of a magical piece of jewelry that brings the imagination to life, coined in Kendra E. Ardnek’s The Ankulen (male form Anku, gender-neutral/collective form Ank’). I have adopted the term when referring to my fellow scribblers (and when my Characters address or refer to me), but give full credit for its creation to Kendra.

Greater is He

I had hoped my 200^th post on the Rambling Rose would be on something a bit more cheerful...but in light of current events, I felt strongly that I should put some encouraging words out there.

The last part of 1 John 4:4 popped into my head a few days ago, in relation to this whole mess: “...greater is He Who is in you, than he who is in the world.” God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than our fear and panic. In times like these, we who know Him can rest in the knowledge than He is still King over all. We can seek His comfort, ask for His protection—for ourselves and for our loved ones—and know that He will uphold us through these crazy times.

Some may ask, “If God is in control, why doesn’t He do something? Why did He allow this thing to develop in the first place??”

I don’t know why. Not exactly. I only know that Mankind brought sin into the world, and as a result, we have pain and toil and nasty illnesses. At the risk of sounding insensitive or sanctimonious, the thought has come to me that perhaps He’s trying to get people’s attention. Force people to face their own mortality and inability to save themselves, and look to Him.

Let’s face it, Humans are a stubborn lot, especially in our modern culture. We’ve become so “self-sufficient,” so “independent” and “advanced,” that the idea of sin and the need of a Saviour seems archaic—almost foreign. Perhaps times like these are meant to show us that we’re not as powerful as we think, and that we need to place our trust in the hands of the One Who created us.

I know it’s easy enough to say, “Stay calm,” and quite another actually to do it, but remember, “With God, all things are possible.”

Times are rough—even scary...but this time in history is only temporary. This, too, shall pass.

Be well, Gentle Readers. I pray you were able to enjoy this First Day of Spring (which is unseasonably warm and blooming where I live!) in spite of everything.

Love in Christ,

~ℛ~

New Year’s Reflections

Lord, help me be all You want me to be

Help me find what You have in mind for me.

Let me look to You

In all I do;

Help me be all You want me to be.

~Go For the Goal!

Who am I, really? Probably every person on the planet asks themselves that question. Each of us goes through a journey of self-discovery on the road of life, and for the Christian, it involves finding God’s purpose for us in this life, in preparation for our Eternal one.

I’ve been through a lot in my life, not least of which has been the ongoing study of fashion and how it affects one’s looks, and as a tool for self-expression. It’s fascinating, learning how the right colors can bring an otherwise dull complexion to life, or how certain styles can enhance the best features of even the most “awkward” figure, while gently downplaying the perceived “faults.” How certain styles, colors, and embellishments can reflect one’s personality. There’s nothing wrong with this, in and of itself…but to obsess over one’s looks is not only wicked; it’s unhealthy. To elevate the outward appearance to such an important status that it overshadows the inner being—the character and heart-attitudes that are of more worth to God than mere looks—can bring a load of grief. Stress and anxiety from self-imposed standards (admittedly gleaned from the media of our society). Depression that one doesn’t fit the mold of what the world deems “attractive.” Spending money on clothes (or materials to make them) in hopes that they will somehow bring happiness and beauty to one’s life. (And in my case, added to the mix is the delusion that by dressing similarly to my favorite fictional characters, I could somehow be like them, a part of the world they live in.)

I’ve been there, and it’s not fun.

This has resulted in boxes overflowing with potential sewing projects—many of them fabulous and exciting…but not especially practical outside ComiCon or a Ren Fest. (And now that there’s a bit more of me than there was at eighteen, some styles I’ve chosen aren’t even flattering anymore.) You’ve heard me mention the “ginormous pile of sewing” looming over me for many years—usually as a joke, but with a real undercurrent of stress…which has often affected my health and threatened my sanity. I’m convinced this is NOT what God intended when He gave me my imagination, my powers of analysis and creativity, and ability to work with my hands.

By God’s grace, I was FINALLY able to whittle down my sewing and alterations this year. I’m gradually developing a better sense of my personal style—slowly separating the fantastical dreams from the pretty-but-practical Reality.

I’m tired of obsessing over my looks and my wardrobe. Tired of trying to look like an Elf, or a Hobbit-lass, or a Disney Princess, or even a heroine from my own books. I’m even getting tired of trying to do my hair in elegant updos and romantic curly styles…only to end up with Anna’s Bed-head or Bad ’80s Frizz at the end of the day. I’m tired of trying to be pretty and ending up looking awkward and overdressed.

In other words, I’m tired of trying to be something I’m not and making myself miserable. It’s time to stop play-acting, find out exactly who I am and what that looks like, and be content. And if that means T-shirts instead of peasant blouses, knits and rayon instead of chiffon and lace, and “normal/modern” styles instead of Regency frocks and female Robin Hood-esque ensembles…then so be it.

She wears short skirts,

I wear T-shirts—

Um, Anton?

She wears high heels,

I wear sneakers—

Pixie….

She’s cheer captain, and—

I’M ON THE BLEACHERS!!!

I’m ashamed we even know that song….

Thanks a HEAP, you guys. :-P

Aw, you were being so serious; we just had to liven things up a bit.

We thought we’d end your post on a happy note. *Silvery laugh* :-D

*Eyeroll* Or a silly one. Aw well, I appreciate the thought, anyhow.

Anyroad, I believe God is slowly showing me who I really am—gradually stripping away the veneers and masks I’ve put on over the years. Telling me it’s OK if I can’t look like my favorite characters—I can still enjoy them. That I don’t have to dress like my alter ego and other heroines from my own books in order to bring their stories to life. That dressing myself one way and my heroines another way isn’t hypocrisy; it’s realistic.

You’re being serious again.

Because this is a serious subject, sirrah. Stop interrupting.

*Salutes* Yes, sir, ma’am!

My head is full of goofballs. :-P

I sense that 2017 will be a year of change and discovery…a year of letting go of the misconceptions I’ve formed about myself and what defines and enriches my life…and perhaps about others, too. A year of doing, not just dreaming. And I know that, with God’s help, it will be.

Until next time, Gentle Readers,

God bless,

~R~