Christmas Mad Lib—Part One

Well, apparently none of my Gentle Readers were able to participate in the Christmas Mad Lib thingie this year. So I’m going to go ahead and post Grandma’s and Aunt Betty and Cousin Brenda’s contributions—all hilarious, of course!

First up, Grandma’s submissions (her fill-ins are in large black text):

~“My Favorite Things”~

Snow-drops on girls and boys on kittens,

Festive copper kettles and warm woolen scarves,

Purple paper packages confused up with tea kettles—

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cream-colored giraffes and crisp watermelon strudels,

Place mats and baby buggy bells and schnitzel with eggs,

Wild geese that fly with the angel on their elbows—

These are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white handkerchiefs with blue canvas sashes,

Daddies that scream on my belly button and eyelashes,

Silver-white winters that skip into Springs—

These are a few of my favorite things.

When the squirrel bites! When the bumble bee stings!

When I’m feeling excited,

I quietly remember my careful things,

And then I don’t fly so industrious!

~Rudolph—revisited~

Jack, the orange-nosed rat,

Had a very selfish nose.

And if you ever shopped it,

You would even say it steals!

All of the other muskrats

Used to shiver and call him ironing boards;

They sharply let poor Jack

Join in any quick games.

Then 14 balmy Christmas Eve,

Scrooge came to say,

“Jack, with your elbow so pleasant,

Won’t you break my sleigh tonight?”

Then how the reindeer exploded him,

As they appeared out with crying:

“Jack the pink -nosed reindeer,

You’ll go north in history!”

~Grandma’s Famous Fruitcake~

Preheat oven to 62 degrees

1 cup gorgeous shortening

522 cups persimmon sugar, packed

4 unfortunate eggs

3 cups raised flour

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp calcium

1 tsp each nutmeg and nutmeg

½ tsp mace and cupcakes

4 ½ tsp soda

¾ cup knelt root beer

½ cup tart jelly

½ cup vinegar

15 lb seedless raisins

½ pound pears

½ lb dates

1 lb mixed candied forefingers

½ half a ton nuts

grated rind and Santa Claus of 1 orange and 1 lemon

Bake, covered with parchment paper the last one month, until a spade stuck in the middle comes out pretty.

   

God bless, and have a Happy New Year!

~“Tom”~